Papa and I decided we wanted to have a slumber party with the grandkids before
school started. Well, we finally got it done a few days before school started.
The kids are so much fun. They are growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday the oldest was born and she will be 7 in September! Hard to believe!
We made tie dyed T shirts. How fun and messy was that? They all picked out their own colors and papa and I helped them put it on. The hardest part was waiting 6 hours to look at them.
They even slept the night! Papa slept with them, I headed to the soft bed around midnight.
I realized that night how much we can teach these little ones. They are like sponges. They soak up so many of the things we do and say. Kind of a scary thing. What a lot of responsibility we have with our children and grandchildren.
Yes, this is why I keep fighting the fight of this disease that has claimed so much of my life. Those little stinkers deserve to know their grandma. I would love to be a more
"fun" and energetic grandma, but they don't care, I am grandma. They love me just as I am. Kids can teach a thing or two. They are so accepting of people. They don't judge. They accept you for who you are and love you for that. Thank you Jesus for these precious children!
I have been notified the test we have been patiently waiting for has been suspended indefinitely. So, I know everything is in God's hands and happens for a reason, but I am feeling very frustrated by it all. Patience is a hard thing to learn! For now I will go on in the treatment I am in to keep things at bay. Yep, that is why I fight, because I have to. I have a family that loves me even through my weakness. They love me for me.
I have been doing a lot of pleading with God, if you heal me I will..... but, maybe that isn't in God's plan. I am sure He has it covered. So glad He is in charge and I am not.
Family 2011
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Mother's Day
I have been doing a lot of thinking this week. Sometimes it is hard for me to put my thoughts on paper, but today I feel like I need to. I really don't know why.
Since we have been back from the doctor in Kansas City I have felt very conflicted. I am trying not to think about it all the time. Trying to learn patience. I know it is all in His hands. Most days I deal with that quite well. Others, not so much. I just pray I get the chance to be in the study. I know that is the way we can be lead to a cure. So we all pray.
Every day I wonder is this the day they will call? I know I am on the list, so we pray. I don't want to feel angry and unsettled. I just want my old life back. I think know it is Mother's day and Tulip Time this week have made it worse. I don't want to be a whiner. I want to continue to act tough. Just not today. I need a day to whine, throw a fit and just be sad. I am mourning something. As a very good friend put it today you just want the old Dee back that could walk around Tulip Time, eat all kinds of crap and feel horrible. Yep, that about sums it up! Plus put in there trying to work 15 or more hours a day and all the stuff that was involved with that. So, maybe it wasn't as glamorous as I am thinking! This year I am cuddled in bed watching HGTV and warm. It looks very cold out today so yes, I am thankful I am home! If I could just get them to deliver a strawberry smoothie!
Then the remembrance that it is Mother's day tomorrow. What a great day to honor Mother's everywhere! I think of my mom what a strong Christian woman she was. When I think of being a child I knew when mom meant business. No back talk or a good soap washing of the mouth was in order. She had a yard stick that she knew how to use too. I think there were a few times I maybe should have had it but it slipped by. Wow did that smart. Thinking of the back hand she had she maybe should have tried golf. She could have been on tour I bet! I think of the challenge of raising three children alone after losing her best friend, husband and partner at the age of 44. I really don't know how old mom was I am thinking 41. That seems so young to me today. I know it was then too, but now that I am older and wiser it seems very young. I am sure she had many days she wondered how she was going to do it all alone too, but she had a friend in Jesus. Many times I would find her alone reading her Bible. She made sure of it. She had a close relationship with God and nothing could shake that. When I think of mom I think of her favorite Bible verse. Jeremiah 29 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen." Yes, I can understand how this was mom's verse. I am sure many days she wondered "why" God and how am I going to raise these children alone and I am sure she had many questions for God. She was a good mom. A wonderful example to us. How God is there for us each and every minute of each and every day. I get it now. I am sure I gave her plenty of grey hairs. In the end it doesn't matter, she is singing praises in Heaven and rejoicing with Her almighty Father! She lived her life for Jesus. That is all that mattered. Yes, now I am claiming that verse too. I love that verse. Mom died so suddenly, no last words, no good byes, just gone. Makes you think of the last words you say to everyone you meet. I will never forget the last words I said to my mom, "ok mom gotta go, talk to you tomorrow" and as always "love you" I love the Love you I said and the "love you's" I hear.
I also am so thankful for the Mother-In-Law God gave me. We had so many wonderful times together. So many times we would just giggle about nothing. I am sure many times people thought we were crazy and yes, we were. I often wonder what she must have thought this 16 year old girl marrying her son. She may have thought some things, but I never felt she judged me. She accepted me, loved me, and taught me so many things. We butchered more chickens in the summer. Doesn't seem I have needed that skill in many years, but I still will know and remember how! She was an awesome teacher. She taught by example and kindness.
I appreciated her so much and since we lived so close I was so thankful for our relationship. She truly was my best friend for many years! We did so many things together and shared a lot of laughs. It was so hard to see her suffer the few months she was ill. I do cherish the many long talks we had. If she couldn't sleep at night we spent the whole night talking at the hospital. The words I will always cherish from her were "thank you for being such a good wife to my son". Yes, those words meant the world to me coming from that dear woman. She taught me how to be a Mother-In-Law. Think but don't always speak what you are thinking. I do struggle with that sometimes! :) I loved her so much.
I wonder what kind of mom I have been. I tried. I did the best I could with what I knew.
I stole that from Joyce Meyers. I figure that is why we have therapist in the world. I loved my kids with all my heart. Still do. I am proud of the kid's we have. They are alright. The are not only our kid's, they are our friends too. When I had a baby at age 17 I did not realize how much that baby would change my life. I don't think at that age things settle in your brain like they do when you get older. I couldn't believe at how perfect and beautiful she was. God knew I needed a good baby and she was an awesome baby. Now, that baby is a mom. As I watch her with her family I know how she feels. She is a good mom. Her little girls I pray will be mom's too someday. You have a love for your children in your heart so deep you can't believe it. You want to protect them, you want what is best for them. That is when you know that God is the one in control. We can't keep all things bad and ugly away from them. We just can pray for God to take care of them each and every day. God gave me a daughter-in-law. We always prayed our children would find a mate that was a Christian. God is Good. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law too! I feel like I have known her forever and she is our family. She is so good to me. She is an awesome mom. She too is my friend. All the time God is good. Sometimes it doesn't seem like God is right beside us, but yes he is. As I look back over the years with the joys, struggles and sorrows, God was there with us, beside us all the time. He knew what we needed and he provided.
As another Mother's day comes and goes I am thankful for the mom's I had. I don't care how old you are, you still miss your mom's. I often think if I could just have them back for one hour or one day what would I say? So many things run through my mind and then I think. I will save it. We will have all of eternity to hash it all out!
Since we have been back from the doctor in Kansas City I have felt very conflicted. I am trying not to think about it all the time. Trying to learn patience. I know it is all in His hands. Most days I deal with that quite well. Others, not so much. I just pray I get the chance to be in the study. I know that is the way we can be lead to a cure. So we all pray.
Every day I wonder is this the day they will call? I know I am on the list, so we pray. I don't want to feel angry and unsettled. I just want my old life back. I think know it is Mother's day and Tulip Time this week have made it worse. I don't want to be a whiner. I want to continue to act tough. Just not today. I need a day to whine, throw a fit and just be sad. I am mourning something. As a very good friend put it today you just want the old Dee back that could walk around Tulip Time, eat all kinds of crap and feel horrible. Yep, that about sums it up! Plus put in there trying to work 15 or more hours a day and all the stuff that was involved with that. So, maybe it wasn't as glamorous as I am thinking! This year I am cuddled in bed watching HGTV and warm. It looks very cold out today so yes, I am thankful I am home! If I could just get them to deliver a strawberry smoothie!
Then the remembrance that it is Mother's day tomorrow. What a great day to honor Mother's everywhere! I think of my mom what a strong Christian woman she was. When I think of being a child I knew when mom meant business. No back talk or a good soap washing of the mouth was in order. She had a yard stick that she knew how to use too. I think there were a few times I maybe should have had it but it slipped by. Wow did that smart. Thinking of the back hand she had she maybe should have tried golf. She could have been on tour I bet! I think of the challenge of raising three children alone after losing her best friend, husband and partner at the age of 44. I really don't know how old mom was I am thinking 41. That seems so young to me today. I know it was then too, but now that I am older and wiser it seems very young. I am sure she had many days she wondered how she was going to do it all alone too, but she had a friend in Jesus. Many times I would find her alone reading her Bible. She made sure of it. She had a close relationship with God and nothing could shake that. When I think of mom I think of her favorite Bible verse. Jeremiah 29 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen." Yes, I can understand how this was mom's verse. I am sure many days she wondered "why" God and how am I going to raise these children alone and I am sure she had many questions for God. She was a good mom. A wonderful example to us. How God is there for us each and every minute of each and every day. I get it now. I am sure I gave her plenty of grey hairs. In the end it doesn't matter, she is singing praises in Heaven and rejoicing with Her almighty Father! She lived her life for Jesus. That is all that mattered. Yes, now I am claiming that verse too. I love that verse. Mom died so suddenly, no last words, no good byes, just gone. Makes you think of the last words you say to everyone you meet. I will never forget the last words I said to my mom, "ok mom gotta go, talk to you tomorrow" and as always "love you" I love the Love you I said and the "love you's" I hear.
I also am so thankful for the Mother-In-Law God gave me. We had so many wonderful times together. So many times we would just giggle about nothing. I am sure many times people thought we were crazy and yes, we were. I often wonder what she must have thought this 16 year old girl marrying her son. She may have thought some things, but I never felt she judged me. She accepted me, loved me, and taught me so many things. We butchered more chickens in the summer. Doesn't seem I have needed that skill in many years, but I still will know and remember how! She was an awesome teacher. She taught by example and kindness.
I appreciated her so much and since we lived so close I was so thankful for our relationship. She truly was my best friend for many years! We did so many things together and shared a lot of laughs. It was so hard to see her suffer the few months she was ill. I do cherish the many long talks we had. If she couldn't sleep at night we spent the whole night talking at the hospital. The words I will always cherish from her were "thank you for being such a good wife to my son". Yes, those words meant the world to me coming from that dear woman. She taught me how to be a Mother-In-Law. Think but don't always speak what you are thinking. I do struggle with that sometimes! :) I loved her so much.
I wonder what kind of mom I have been. I tried. I did the best I could with what I knew.
I stole that from Joyce Meyers. I figure that is why we have therapist in the world. I loved my kids with all my heart. Still do. I am proud of the kid's we have. They are alright. The are not only our kid's, they are our friends too. When I had a baby at age 17 I did not realize how much that baby would change my life. I don't think at that age things settle in your brain like they do when you get older. I couldn't believe at how perfect and beautiful she was. God knew I needed a good baby and she was an awesome baby. Now, that baby is a mom. As I watch her with her family I know how she feels. She is a good mom. Her little girls I pray will be mom's too someday. You have a love for your children in your heart so deep you can't believe it. You want to protect them, you want what is best for them. That is when you know that God is the one in control. We can't keep all things bad and ugly away from them. We just can pray for God to take care of them each and every day. God gave me a daughter-in-law. We always prayed our children would find a mate that was a Christian. God is Good. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law too! I feel like I have known her forever and she is our family. She is so good to me. She is an awesome mom. She too is my friend. All the time God is good. Sometimes it doesn't seem like God is right beside us, but yes he is. As I look back over the years with the joys, struggles and sorrows, God was there with us, beside us all the time. He knew what we needed and he provided.
As another Mother's day comes and goes I am thankful for the mom's I had. I don't care how old you are, you still miss your mom's. I often think if I could just have them back for one hour or one day what would I say? So many things run through my mind and then I think. I will save it. We will have all of eternity to hash it all out!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Doctor Appointment
Yesterday mom and I went to Dr. Brewer again.
We told him that despite continuing treatment she was not improving.
He told us that some new and exciting things have been discovered (last fall). Recently a research organization has found that 95% of the chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia patients they tested were positive for the XMRV infection. This is a retro virus. It is similar in many respects to the HIV virus that causes AIDS. Brewer is an expert in AIDS and has been working with HIV patients since 1985, so he is very knowledgeable in this area. Mom’s symptoms overlap with babesia, chronic fatigue and fibro.
This virus has been around in animals forever. But it has recently (last 100 years) morphed into something that can infect humans. Mice carry this virus. Mice also carry babesia. So, Brewer thinks that if someone has lyme and babesia there is a good chance that the tick that bit them bit a mouse first. So, perhaps they got this XMRV from the mouse at the same time.
This virus works like HIV in that it suppresses your immune system. Not as bad as HIV, but it does. So, if your immune system is working properly then you cannot fight off something like lyme or babesia like a healthy person can. Therefore until you kill the virus you cannot get better.
They are doing a research study, he hopes it will begin this summer. They are working with Brewer because he is so knowledgeable with HIV. They have asked him to find people to participate in the study, he will put mom on the list.
First thing is sometime (hopefully this summer, but we have to be patient) his office will call mom and tell her to come to KC for a blood test to see if she has the virus.
If she tests positive then they are going to try treatments, probably with the anti-viral drugs that already work for HIV. There are about 25 HIV drugs, he thinks for sure that 2 of them look promising for this virus as well. It is going to be a guessing game at first though.
He said he feels like he has really had an awakening in the last 5 months or so. It is like HIV in the 80’s, it used to be everyone died, now it is manageable. But, these things do take time and study. But, it all makes so much sense though about why there are these few people, these odd ball cases that despite treatment just do not get better. He said all the experts think you guys are crazy, but there are just some people that cannot seem to get better. This may just be why you cannot get better.
He said for now she can continue with her babesia treatments or she can stop, it is up to her. At this point I think he feels that until we know if she has this virus it really is just spinning our wheels trying to treat it. He is having her continue with the antibiotics to keep the lyme from growing.
I am hopeful that this is the answer for why the treatments are not working. For mom and also for the thousands (probably millions) of people that suffer with this and other diseases that can’t seem to get any answers. We will pray for knowledge for the doctors working on this study.
For more info check out their website, it is www.wpinstiture.org
We told him that despite continuing treatment she was not improving.
He told us that some new and exciting things have been discovered (last fall). Recently a research organization has found that 95% of the chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia patients they tested were positive for the XMRV infection. This is a retro virus. It is similar in many respects to the HIV virus that causes AIDS. Brewer is an expert in AIDS and has been working with HIV patients since 1985, so he is very knowledgeable in this area. Mom’s symptoms overlap with babesia, chronic fatigue and fibro.
This virus has been around in animals forever. But it has recently (last 100 years) morphed into something that can infect humans. Mice carry this virus. Mice also carry babesia. So, Brewer thinks that if someone has lyme and babesia there is a good chance that the tick that bit them bit a mouse first. So, perhaps they got this XMRV from the mouse at the same time.
This virus works like HIV in that it suppresses your immune system. Not as bad as HIV, but it does. So, if your immune system is working properly then you cannot fight off something like lyme or babesia like a healthy person can. Therefore until you kill the virus you cannot get better.
They are doing a research study, he hopes it will begin this summer. They are working with Brewer because he is so knowledgeable with HIV. They have asked him to find people to participate in the study, he will put mom on the list.
First thing is sometime (hopefully this summer, but we have to be patient) his office will call mom and tell her to come to KC for a blood test to see if she has the virus.
If she tests positive then they are going to try treatments, probably with the anti-viral drugs that already work for HIV. There are about 25 HIV drugs, he thinks for sure that 2 of them look promising for this virus as well. It is going to be a guessing game at first though.
He said he feels like he has really had an awakening in the last 5 months or so. It is like HIV in the 80’s, it used to be everyone died, now it is manageable. But, these things do take time and study. But, it all makes so much sense though about why there are these few people, these odd ball cases that despite treatment just do not get better. He said all the experts think you guys are crazy, but there are just some people that cannot seem to get better. This may just be why you cannot get better.
He said for now she can continue with her babesia treatments or she can stop, it is up to her. At this point I think he feels that until we know if she has this virus it really is just spinning our wheels trying to treat it. He is having her continue with the antibiotics to keep the lyme from growing.
I am hopeful that this is the answer for why the treatments are not working. For mom and also for the thousands (probably millions) of people that suffer with this and other diseases that can’t seem to get any answers. We will pray for knowledge for the doctors working on this study.
For more info check out their website, it is www.wpinstiture.org
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Dream Dream Dream Dream
I was thinking about that song as I was trying to blog again today. I have to get my thoughts out because I forget them so fast! I have the strangest dreams. Wow, they even shake me up sometimes. I am sure it is all the medicine I am on! Sunday night I dreamt I was with my family (kids and grand kids) and we were swimming in the ocean. Of course everyone started to drown and they all climbed on me ( I am very buoyant) and I was trying to save everyone. We were all sinking under the water and I was confused and couldn't figure out the top from the bottom, so I looked what I thought was up and I saw a huge light so headed for the light and saved us all! Yeah! Well, as I was trying to analyze this dream I decided as parent's we all want what is best for our family. What is the most important thing to a mom or dad? Well for me it is that all my family knows Jesus and has a personal relationship with Him. So to me this was telling me that everyday I need to be the mom and grandma God wants me to be so my family will see Jesus in me. Some days that may be harder to see than others so I need to work on that every day. Some days when I feel deep in my "valley" I don't show the light like I need to so another thing that shows me I am not perfect, I need all the love and forgiveness I can get this side of Heaven!
Last night my dream was very different. I have become aware of a new drug that could possibly change my life. It is very new. Lots of decisions to be made. So my prayer has been every day " God show me what to do." So my dream last night was I was watching my funeral. My friend Bev was the pastor, she did a good job! Of course there was humor, she knew I would have to have humor. My sister in law was in the kitchen taking care of the lunch. I always said my lunch had to be just blizzards, but Elaine was making sandwiches and coffee and with Elaine she was breaking dishes right and left so they kicked her out of the kitchen. They said she was going to cost more money than the church could afford so she had to leave. Anyway back to the funeral I was sitting up high my mom and dad on both sides of me and my grandpa and my mother in law was right there. We were watching what everyone was doing. As I was watching this I noticed my grandchildren. They were having a horrible time. I remember losing a parent at a young age and it does something to you. It rocks your world as you knew it. Losing a parent at 40 does something to you too. It is the natural progression as we know it, but it leaves an empty spot in your family circle. I had my answer, OK God I will wait. Some days I don't feel so needed and feel like a burden to others through this "valley" but I am here. Thank you God I can see my family when I want to. I can chat with them on the phone. Even my one year old grandaughter is chatting with me on the phone. I love hearing all their voices on the other end. How do they steal your heart so much? I will wait. Wait until God shows me it is time. But another thing that struck me was how the church wasn't full. How silly is that? I again was analyzing this dream ( no I am not a professional) and decided how many lives have I touched? How many people's lives have I made a difference in? How many times did I say the right thing to someone that they will remember me or how many times did I say the thing that could make them not want to remember me? Yes, we have a lot of work to do on this Earth. I am so thankful for all the people in my life that have touched me I pray I can re pay the favor to all of them!
Last night my dream was very different. I have become aware of a new drug that could possibly change my life. It is very new. Lots of decisions to be made. So my prayer has been every day " God show me what to do." So my dream last night was I was watching my funeral. My friend Bev was the pastor, she did a good job! Of course there was humor, she knew I would have to have humor. My sister in law was in the kitchen taking care of the lunch. I always said my lunch had to be just blizzards, but Elaine was making sandwiches and coffee and with Elaine she was breaking dishes right and left so they kicked her out of the kitchen. They said she was going to cost more money than the church could afford so she had to leave. Anyway back to the funeral I was sitting up high my mom and dad on both sides of me and my grandpa and my mother in law was right there. We were watching what everyone was doing. As I was watching this I noticed my grandchildren. They were having a horrible time. I remember losing a parent at a young age and it does something to you. It rocks your world as you knew it. Losing a parent at 40 does something to you too. It is the natural progression as we know it, but it leaves an empty spot in your family circle. I had my answer, OK God I will wait. Some days I don't feel so needed and feel like a burden to others through this "valley" but I am here. Thank you God I can see my family when I want to. I can chat with them on the phone. Even my one year old grandaughter is chatting with me on the phone. I love hearing all their voices on the other end. How do they steal your heart so much? I will wait. Wait until God shows me it is time. But another thing that struck me was how the church wasn't full. How silly is that? I again was analyzing this dream ( no I am not a professional) and decided how many lives have I touched? How many people's lives have I made a difference in? How many times did I say the right thing to someone that they will remember me or how many times did I say the thing that could make them not want to remember me? Yes, we have a lot of work to do on this Earth. I am so thankful for all the people in my life that have touched me I pray I can re pay the favor to all of them!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sisters
Yes on March 9 my sister turned 60. As I was thinking about my life with my sister I realized yet again how blessed I am by having the family I have. I used to think 60 seemed really old, not so much anymore. I am so thankful for my "much older" sister. I think I owe her an apology. I don't think I was maybe the most fun little sister. I remember getting into her stuff all the time when she was gone. She is 8 1/2 years older than I am and wow I used to have fun with her stuff. I can still see my mother's face peeking over the back of our couch and catching me in the middle of a hair cut on my sister's beautiful special doll. I had a scissors in one hand and a hand full of very long hair in the other hand. Of course I had to finish the job or the poor doll would have looked really bad. I used to love to play in her makeup. Mascara was my favorite. I also tried several times to get her contacts in my eyes. I can still remember crawling around on our very short pile wool carpet trying to retrieve a contact and the sweat forming on my forehead thinking what will happen when she opens her contact case and there is no contact in it? I ran my hand over it and was so anxious to get it back in the case and I swore I would leave that alone for a few days. My brother and I loved to find dead mice and leave them lay on the floor outside the bathroom door when she was in there so we could hear her scream when she opened the door. Now I would say I have had pay back as I am petrified of mice! Yes, I would say I owe her a few apologies. She had to share a room with me until she was married and I always wanted to chat when she wanted to go to bed. Imagine that! We are sister's. Very different but still share a lot of the same. We both love and cherish our families, we both love the Lord and we both know what it is like to share the bond of sister's. A few years ago my sister battled breast cancer. It was a scary time. Scary for all of us. Thank the Lord she beat the cancer and God has spared her life and continues to use her in all of our lives. So if you have a sister give her a call and tell her you love her and apologize. Guess I best get to the phone.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Desert
Yes, I kept wanting to call it dessert too. Dessert sounds way better than desert.
After hearing Keith preach on being in the desert a few weeks ago I have listened to that sermon over and over. I get the desert thing. I understand the feeling like you are in a desert. I also understand at times God leads us to the desert to find our oasis in Him. I have decided I think I may be stubborn and think I can get out of the desert alone and I know better, I know I need Him to get out of the desert. So I need to work on that! I so think at times I can do this on my own and know that isn't how it works. On our own we are nothing. We need Him to lead us and guide us. God's time compared to our time can be so different. I want out of the desert NOW and maybe He doesn't want me out quite yet. I just pray I can learn from this and let Him lead me and quit being so mad about the whole deal. What a lot I have to sing praises about! I can see, I can hear, I can talk, I can think. Thank you God! I have a great husband, wonderful kids and really special grandkids. God is good. All the time. Even in the desert. I keep saying I love sun and sand, so maybe now I need to quit complaining about my desert and enjoy the sun and sand! Well maybe not enjoy, but sit in it a bit.
I do have some happy news. I had a lump removed off my back last week. The doctor thought it looked really strange and had trouble getting it out. I could tell he was stumped. So he sent it to the lab and it came back that it was an inclusion cyst, which can come from a insect. Well, my family swears that is where the tick was. Of course I don't remember. So maybe we have removed the root of evil! :)
After hearing Keith preach on being in the desert a few weeks ago I have listened to that sermon over and over. I get the desert thing. I understand the feeling like you are in a desert. I also understand at times God leads us to the desert to find our oasis in Him. I have decided I think I may be stubborn and think I can get out of the desert alone and I know better, I know I need Him to get out of the desert. So I need to work on that! I so think at times I can do this on my own and know that isn't how it works. On our own we are nothing. We need Him to lead us and guide us. God's time compared to our time can be so different. I want out of the desert NOW and maybe He doesn't want me out quite yet. I just pray I can learn from this and let Him lead me and quit being so mad about the whole deal. What a lot I have to sing praises about! I can see, I can hear, I can talk, I can think. Thank you God! I have a great husband, wonderful kids and really special grandkids. God is good. All the time. Even in the desert. I keep saying I love sun and sand, so maybe now I need to quit complaining about my desert and enjoy the sun and sand! Well maybe not enjoy, but sit in it a bit.
I do have some happy news. I had a lump removed off my back last week. The doctor thought it looked really strange and had trouble getting it out. I could tell he was stumped. So he sent it to the lab and it came back that it was an inclusion cyst, which can come from a insect. Well, my family swears that is where the tick was. Of course I don't remember. So maybe we have removed the root of evil! :)
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
First try at this
I have had so many people ask me if I had a blog to follow.
Really didn't think I had anything interesting to say, but I am thinking maybe it will be good for me to remember what happens once and awhile!
I will start at the beginning of a huge change that took place in my life. I hope I don't sound like a whinner. I don't share with too many people what is really going on in my life because I don't want pity. I just want people to understand this journey I am on and why I feel like I am in a valley.
I was bitten by a tick approximately 19 years ago. Thankfully my daughter remembered it. I of course had forgotten. I had the bulls eye rash and at the time most hadn't heard of Lyme disease or the effects it can take on a person. Most people if they are infected can usually recover very quickly if the proper treatment is given to them as soon as possible. My life went on as normal being a farm wife, working with lots of hogs daily and doing my usual things. In 1991 I began working at Pella Christian High School and started part time at The Village Florist also a couple years later. (like I said earlier memory is not my strong point) In 1994 I was given the opportunity or looking back kind of thrown into becomming owner of The Village Florist. We also moved to the Family Farm that year. So life was changing. I spent many many hours at the Flower shop and loved most of it! In 1997 our daughter got married, we moved the flower shop, I had a complete hysterectomy and my mother in law lost her short fight to cancer. So much stress was in our lives I began to get mono all the time. Just couldn't shake it. I had such a wonderful staff of employees during this time it was a God send that I could rest some. Soon afterward my health started going down hill. Everyone thought it was from the stresses and grief. I just could get on top of it. Then in 1999 my mother died very suddenly. My dad died when I was 9. I was 40 years old and felt very much like an orphan. It was a weird feeling. I am so thankful for the wonderful brother and sister I have, we are truly not only family, we are great friends. After this I really started feeling horrible. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Severe Arthiritus, Depression, supressed immunity and whatever they could pin on a failing health women. I did pretty good going to work as normal but could no longer do the 60 hour weeks. I was lucky to put in 30. I was exhausted. We prayed for God to send an answer. I knew being the owner of the Flower Shop meant I needed to be there more than I could. I came so close to selling it at one time and it was as if God said not now. So I pulled back and went at it more determined than ever to be there as much as possible. I had a wonderful group of employees so I knew they could handle it, it is just different when you can't be there. I did as much as possible there and did work from home some. Finally in 2005 my niece was getting married in May and I knew she would let me do whatever I wanted with flowers. I was having a blast planning things. Then I approached someone about buying the flower shop. She had boughten the De Bloom n Huis and thought to combine them both would be beneficial. We prayed for God to lead us again. I had a very heavy heart, this is something I loved, I really truly loved and cared about my employees, they were like my family. What would happen to them? I knew how much debt I carried and what I had to have to get out of debt or break even. My husband never asked me how much debt we had. He made the deal with them on the phone. I said "honey you have no idea how much debt we have" he didn't care he said he wanted his wife to live. So one week after the big bang of my nieces wedding I walked out of the flower shop as owner. A stage and chapter of my life that had been so long was now changed. I knew God knew what was best but to be honest I was very bitter and angry. I loved the flower shop, no is wasn't all roses, but it had been part of my life for so long! I really wasn't too impressed with my husband either at the time. So I went home and was going to clean every inch of the house good. Well I still haven't gotten that done!
I would do a little and have to rest. I was finding it harder and harder to even get around. I was so stiff and sore I could barely walk or get out of bed some days. After many doctor visits and being told to rest, rest, rest my daughter started doing research on Lyme disease. She made an appointment for me in Kansas City at an infectious Disease Doctor. It took one year to get in to see him. After seeing me and running a battery of tests I was tested positive for Lyme disease. I also have a co infection called Babesia. I could bore you to tears with all the different treatments I have gone through the frustrations and trials. I know my life has changed dramatically. I also know God is with me in this valley of my life. Each day is different. I cherish if I have a good day or even a few good hours. I know I can not do all I want to do. I just do what I can do. I have the wonderful support of a great family and some very dear friends who have walked beside me through this journey. I know this isn't the end of my story, it is the beginning. I know God is going to use this trial in my life for His glory. I pray for the courage and strength to go through this treatment time which can take away so much from me each and every day.
Really didn't think I had anything interesting to say, but I am thinking maybe it will be good for me to remember what happens once and awhile!
I will start at the beginning of a huge change that took place in my life. I hope I don't sound like a whinner. I don't share with too many people what is really going on in my life because I don't want pity. I just want people to understand this journey I am on and why I feel like I am in a valley.
I was bitten by a tick approximately 19 years ago. Thankfully my daughter remembered it. I of course had forgotten. I had the bulls eye rash and at the time most hadn't heard of Lyme disease or the effects it can take on a person. Most people if they are infected can usually recover very quickly if the proper treatment is given to them as soon as possible. My life went on as normal being a farm wife, working with lots of hogs daily and doing my usual things. In 1991 I began working at Pella Christian High School and started part time at The Village Florist also a couple years later. (like I said earlier memory is not my strong point) In 1994 I was given the opportunity or looking back kind of thrown into becomming owner of The Village Florist. We also moved to the Family Farm that year. So life was changing. I spent many many hours at the Flower shop and loved most of it! In 1997 our daughter got married, we moved the flower shop, I had a complete hysterectomy and my mother in law lost her short fight to cancer. So much stress was in our lives I began to get mono all the time. Just couldn't shake it. I had such a wonderful staff of employees during this time it was a God send that I could rest some. Soon afterward my health started going down hill. Everyone thought it was from the stresses and grief. I just could get on top of it. Then in 1999 my mother died very suddenly. My dad died when I was 9. I was 40 years old and felt very much like an orphan. It was a weird feeling. I am so thankful for the wonderful brother and sister I have, we are truly not only family, we are great friends. After this I really started feeling horrible. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Severe Arthiritus, Depression, supressed immunity and whatever they could pin on a failing health women. I did pretty good going to work as normal but could no longer do the 60 hour weeks. I was lucky to put in 30. I was exhausted. We prayed for God to send an answer. I knew being the owner of the Flower Shop meant I needed to be there more than I could. I came so close to selling it at one time and it was as if God said not now. So I pulled back and went at it more determined than ever to be there as much as possible. I had a wonderful group of employees so I knew they could handle it, it is just different when you can't be there. I did as much as possible there and did work from home some. Finally in 2005 my niece was getting married in May and I knew she would let me do whatever I wanted with flowers. I was having a blast planning things. Then I approached someone about buying the flower shop. She had boughten the De Bloom n Huis and thought to combine them both would be beneficial. We prayed for God to lead us again. I had a very heavy heart, this is something I loved, I really truly loved and cared about my employees, they were like my family. What would happen to them? I knew how much debt I carried and what I had to have to get out of debt or break even. My husband never asked me how much debt we had. He made the deal with them on the phone. I said "honey you have no idea how much debt we have" he didn't care he said he wanted his wife to live. So one week after the big bang of my nieces wedding I walked out of the flower shop as owner. A stage and chapter of my life that had been so long was now changed. I knew God knew what was best but to be honest I was very bitter and angry. I loved the flower shop, no is wasn't all roses, but it had been part of my life for so long! I really wasn't too impressed with my husband either at the time. So I went home and was going to clean every inch of the house good. Well I still haven't gotten that done!
I would do a little and have to rest. I was finding it harder and harder to even get around. I was so stiff and sore I could barely walk or get out of bed some days. After many doctor visits and being told to rest, rest, rest my daughter started doing research on Lyme disease. She made an appointment for me in Kansas City at an infectious Disease Doctor. It took one year to get in to see him. After seeing me and running a battery of tests I was tested positive for Lyme disease. I also have a co infection called Babesia. I could bore you to tears with all the different treatments I have gone through the frustrations and trials. I know my life has changed dramatically. I also know God is with me in this valley of my life. Each day is different. I cherish if I have a good day or even a few good hours. I know I can not do all I want to do. I just do what I can do. I have the wonderful support of a great family and some very dear friends who have walked beside me through this journey. I know this isn't the end of my story, it is the beginning. I know God is going to use this trial in my life for His glory. I pray for the courage and strength to go through this treatment time which can take away so much from me each and every day.
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